I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
