A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
