Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
