I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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