i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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