look no pants
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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