How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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