Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
