He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
jump out the window naked night went bad
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