And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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