Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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