adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
