Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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