god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
