Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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