Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
