It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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