I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
