the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
