my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
