Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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