Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What a dumb baby whore.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
