If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
