Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
