Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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