I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
