Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
