I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
