fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Terrible idea I love it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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