So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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