is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
