It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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