Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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