You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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