i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
