I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
