I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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