Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
