dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
