i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
