I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
