I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
