RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
