have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
