Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
