hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i now understand why vodka
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
