I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
