I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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