Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
