I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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