I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
